Sora Goes to McDonald's

Original Publication Date: September 10, 2020

"Are we there yet???"

"For the--" a moment's pause as the adult counts "--SEVENTEENTH time, Sora, we are NOT AT MCDONALDS YET."

"UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGHhhhhhhhhhhhh." Sora groans, sliding down the seat of the car. "i'm HUNGRY."

"Sora we have been in the car for five goddamn minutes," Riku sighs from his left.

"HEY AXEL SAID WE CAN''T SAY THAT." Kairi screeches from his right.

"I'm fifteen I can do what I want," Riku scoffs, doing a little head flip to push the hair out of his eyes.

"That's not a good excuse," Axel sighs.

"He said that's not an excuse Riku!!!!"

"hungey." Sora moans, halfway to the floorboard. How his seatbelt managed to stretch this far was a mystery to him.

"Sora why'd you even want McDonald's??? Subway is MUCH better," Kairi states, frowning.

"Subway sucks ass. Burger King is the best."

"Riku you're just like Larxene. You guys need to shut the frick up and go on a trip to Hot Topic together so you can talk about how much you hate Subway, which is undoubtedly the best food chain."

"Um??? Ew???Kairi's ignoring the worst thing about what you said. which is that Burger King is the best and to that I say, what the frick no its not????" sora counters, laying fully in the floorboards. "Burger King is nasty, Riku."

"No it's not."

"Yes it is. Do you know how many heartless i've seen leaving there???"

"Oh what so now you're anti-Heartless? Is that it? You just hate the heartless don't you."

"Well NO WONDER you like eating there, riku!!!! You heartless, Burger-King-Loving-sonofa--" Sora's stomach growls. "Are we there yet. I'm hungry and Riku's shoes are not good pillows and also he's mean."

"Sora oh my god we are two minutes away." Kairi groans. "Look. Look out the freaking window. There it is. There's the McDonald's."

Sora aggressively sits up and clambers into his seat. "OHMYGOD."

The long journey is finally coming to a close.

Only a few miles away is one of the most breathtaking, awe-inspiring sights Sora thinks a person could ever see.


"We're here," Sora sighs breathlessly. "We're finally here."

"Still don't see what you like so much about this place," Kairi states.

"Same here," Axel agrees, frowning, "but it was Sora's turn to pick."

"The fact that Sora and Riku are the ones who get to pick is stupid. WE'RE the ones who have to wait in the lobby for the entirety of their hour-long relationship therapy session."

"We can have Subway next time we're near one."

"Frick yes," Kairi hisses excitedly. "Axel you are so much cooler than Larxene."

Meanwhile, Sora is staring at the miraculous golden arches in wonder. How could a mere mortal create such a miraculous symbol of love, of prosperity, of hope? The glimmering gold sheen of the arches fills Sora's heart with joy.

"Sora," Riku calls. "SORA."


"Are you gonna come inside?? We can't order without you."

"Oh yeah sorry!" Sora exclaims, running to where the others wait at the entrance to the building.

The four enter the glorious eating establishment.

"What to eat," Sora thinks aloud. There are so many options.

Sora mulls over the plethora of options presented by the menu. Does he want chicken nuggets or a burger?

He thinks it over and walks to the counter to place his order. Vexen is there in a McDonald's employee uniform.

"Holy shit, Vexen? Why are you here?" Riku questions. "I thought you worked with Axel."

"Ricku, stop saying bad words," Kairi whisper-yells.

Vexen stares at Axel. "I got fired."

Axel stares at Vexen. "He got fired."


"I want a cheeseburger happy meal with apple slices and chocolate milk, please," Kairi adds.

There's a pause.

"Riku, what are you getting?" Axel prompts.

"McDonald's is fucking nasty and I don't want it."

"I'm not buying you Burger King."

"Then I'll eat the leftovers."

"There aren't any."

"I'll have a quarter pounder with cheese. Medium with fries. Sora why the hell did you eat the leftover spaghetti."

"It wasn't me!" Sora protests.

"Language, riku! And also it definitely wasn't me that ate the spaghetti!" Kairi snaps.

"I'll have a Big Mac, large," Axel states. He takes the cups from Vexen's hands and gives them to Sora. "Pepsi, light ice. And Sprite for Riku."

"Got it."

Sora heads to where the fountain drinks are located, with the other two teens following behind him. After filling the cups he hands them off to Kairi, and then proceeds to run toward the PlayPlace.

Ah, yes, the PlayPlace. Perhaps the most entertaining, colorful place inside a McDonald's restaurant.

Sora dashes to the shoe-storing area; he always follows the rules. He would never want to upset the Great McDonald. He thinks about the wonderous nature of this McDonald as he removes his shoes, which may be a size or two too big, but they add to the baggy aesthetic of his outfit, which he likes.

He's running toward the large, colorful playground when he sees a Heartless emerge from the slide. It falls onto the rubbery floor with a gentle thud. Sora screeches in fear.


The silvery-haired boy stands up-- he had been sitting at a table with Axel and Kairi-- and walks over to Sora.

"Sora, that may be a Heartless," Riku states, "but it is also a fucking baby."

He picks up the small, shadowy creature and cradles it in his arms. It relaxes and rests its head against Riku's chest. It looks vaguely hurt by Sora's words; it turns its head away from Sora but still seems to be shooting him a sidelong glare.

"It's literally in a McDonald's PlayPlace, Sora, it's not gonna hurt you."

"How do you know that? Did it tell you it was a pacifist?"

"Sora you are incredibly dumb at times. Anyways food's ready."

Sora slips his baggy shoes back on and sits at the table. Axel hands him the red box containing his favorite meal.


Sora pries open the box, revealing his fries and chicken nuggets, and one of the best parts of the McDonald's visits: the toy.

"Behold," Sora whispers, raising to eye-level a small figure of Mickey Mouse. Which was kind of weird, considering he was a real living creature. Oh well.

"Kairi, what'd you get?" he asks, cramming three of six chicken nuggets into his mouth.

"Pluto," Kairi says, showing him the figure. Also a real living creature. Vaguely creepy. She seems to notice this and frowns. "Isn't it kinda weird how they make living people, or uh, creatures, into--- AXEL MAKE RIKU STOP--- toys?"

Sora glances at Riku. He's busy feeding his oversalted fries to the Heartless he picked up earlier. What's worse is the Heartless seems to enjoy the fries, which means now they've basically adopted the fricking thing.

Axel frowns at him. "Riku what'd I TELL you about feeding the Heartless?"

"Don't? Well too bad, 'cause I'M fifteen and that means I'm a BIG KID and I don't have to listen to you."

"Eat your food."

As he munches, Sora stares into the whimsical eyes of a Ronald McDonald illustration on a sign. What a wonderful day at McDonald's.